This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
