I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
