You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
