Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
