I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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