He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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