Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
