How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
