my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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