oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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