I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just google imaged poop.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
