Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.

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(817): View more from Texas

Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.

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(770): View more from Georgia

next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.

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(706): View more from Georgia

we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick

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(734): View more from Michigan

If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do

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(210): View more from Texas

It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.

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(804): View more from Virginia

That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.

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