o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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