A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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