i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
