I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
