when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
