i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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