We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
