I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
