We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
