Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
