She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
