I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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