well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
