He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
