a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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