All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
