I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
