I wanna bring you to show and tell
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
