If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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