I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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