At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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