3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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