I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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