Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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