I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
