So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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