The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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