I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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