I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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