I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
