My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
