Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize