Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
