woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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