Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
