just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize