You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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