Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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