i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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