So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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