I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize