Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
