Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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