Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
