That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
