i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
