I heard we made out
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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