I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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