This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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