The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
