i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
