i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
