Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
