why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He is an equal opportunity slut.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
