absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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