thus making me awesome and them whores
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize