Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
