And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize