just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
